Toasts · examples
26 toasts you can learn from
Full toasts for the holidays and for retirements, each written for a specific table or room, with a note on why it works. The names are made up. Borrow the shape and put your own people in it.
26 toasts
- New Year's Eve · The host · about 30 secondsShort New Year's Eve Toast From the HostA host with four minutes until midnight wanted to say something real to the room and still leave time for the countdown.“Quick one, because we have four minutes. Every year I buy a paper calendar for the fridge, and every year you all write your birthdays in it, usually in the wrong month.”
- Thanksgiving · A guest · about 30 secondsShort Thanksgiving Toast From a GuestA guest at a coworker's family Thanksgiving, who wanted to thank the host quickly without taking over the table.“I'm the coworker who wasn't flying home this year. Boris heard about it and invited me before I could make other plans.”
- Office holiday party · The boss · about a minuteShort Holiday Party Speech From a CEOA CEO who knew she couldn't name everyone at a big company party, and wanted to thank the whole room in about a minute and then get out of the way.“I've been told the food comes out when I stop talking, and I've taken that to heart. In June, a customer mailed us a handwritten letter. Three pages.”
- Thanksgiving · A guest · about a minuteFunny Friendsgiving Toast From a GuestA longtime guest at a Friendsgiving potluck who offered to give the toast so the host could finally sit down, and wanted to thank the host for quietly saving dinner.“Hi, everyone. I'm not the host. I volunteered for this because somebody needed to talk about the sign-up sheet. This year there were fourteen slots on that sheet.”
- New Year's Eve · A friend · about a minuteFunny New Year's Eve Toast for FriendsThe friend who booked this year's New Year's Eve dinner, in a room that was not what anyone expected, wanted to own the mistake and toast the group before midnight.“Hi, I'm Freddie. I was in charge of booking this year, so I'd like to start by apologizing for the mop. When the restaurant said they had a private room, I pictured curtains.”
- Christmas · The host · about a minuteChristmas Dinner Toast From the HostA daughter hosting Christmas dinner for the first time, after her mom gave it up, wanted to thank her mom without making the table cry into the stuffing.“For thirty-one Christmases, Mom has stood where I'm standing and given this toast. This year she handed me the job, the turkey, and an index card. The card is her stuffing recipe.”
- New Year's Eve · A friend · about a minuteNew Year's Toast After a Hard YearA man who spent much of the year in and out of the hospital wanted to thank the friends at his New Year's party without retelling the whole year.“Most of you know what this year was for me, so I won't go through it. Short version: a lot of hospital, and not much else. What I want to talk about is the clipboard.”
- Christmas · A guest · about a minuteFunny Christmas Toast From a GuestA college friend who can't fly home for Christmas, spending his third year with a friend's family, wanted to thank them with a laugh instead of a long speech.“For anyone who doesn't know me, I'm Drew. I went to college with Ginny, I live too far away to fly home, and three years ago her parents adopted me for the holidays without asking.”
- Office holiday party · A coworker · about a minuteFunny Office Holiday Party Toast From a CoworkerA coworker asked to give a quick toast at the office party, who wanted a real laugh without embarrassing anyone and checked with both colleagues first.“Hi, everyone. I'm Marty from accounts payable. I was asked to give the toast because I'm the only person on our floor who isn't involved in the thermostat situation.”
- Thanksgiving · The host · about a minuteFunny Thanksgiving Toast From a First-Time HostA first-time host toasting friends and family before dinner, wanting to own the improvised setup and thank the partner who put up with it.“Hi, everyone. Welcome. This is my first time hosting Thanksgiving, and I want to be honest about how it's going. We don't own a table that seats ten. We own a table that seats four, and a desk.”
- Christmas · Family member · about a minuteHeartfelt Christmas Toast to GrandmaThe oldest grandchild toasting his grandmother at the family's last Christmas in her house before she moves to an apartment, wanting it to be warm rather than sad.“I'm Elton, the oldest grandkid, which means my ornaments are the ugliest ones on that tree. Grandma has kept every ornament any of us ever made. Nine grandkids, going back to 1994.”
- Thanksgiving · A guest · about a minuteThanksgiving Toast at a Partner's Family DinnerA guest at his partner's family Thanksgiving for the first time, asked on the spot by his partner's mother to say something, who wanted to thank them without overdoing it.“Brandt told me I wouldn't have to say anything tonight, so of course his mom asked me to. I've been worrying about this dinner since about August.”
- Thanksgiving · Family member · about a minuteWarm Thanksgiving Toast From a GrandparentA grandmother toasting a full house of children and grandchildren, wanting to say how much the family means to her without a speech about family.“I'll say my piece, and then you can all eat. Every Thanksgiving since the first grandchild, I've measured each of you on the pantry door frame before dinner.”
- Thanksgiving · Family member · about a minuteThanksgiving Toast for Someone MissingA son toasting at the first Thanksgiving after his father died, asked by his mother to take over the toast his dad gave every year.“For thirty-one years, Dad gave the toast at this dinner, and it was always the same length. He'd stand up, lift his glass, say "Well, we made it," and sit down. That was the whole speech.”
- Retirement · A coworker · about a minuteShort Retirement Toast for a TeacherA fellow teacher giving the last toast at an end-of-year staff send-off for a third grade teacher, after the principal had already covered her career.“I taught across the hall from Millie for sixteen years, so I'll just tell you about the jar. On the windowsill in room 12 there's a glass jar of buttons. Every color.”
- Retirement · The retiree · about a minute and a halfShort Retirement Speech From the RetireeA branch manager giving his own short speech at an after-hours send-off in the library's reading room; he wanted to thank the staff and the regulars and keep it brief.“Thank you. I promised Win I'd keep this brief, and I've spent twenty-four years asking people to lower their voices in this room, so I'll go easy on you. I came to this library as a part-time shelver.”
- Office holiday party · The boss · about 2 minutesHoliday Party Speech for a Remote TeamA manager speaking at the first in-person gathering of a fully remote team, with a few people joining by video, who wanted to thank them for a year of looking out for each other from a distance.“This is the first time most of us have been in the same room, and I've already learned that Jerry is a lot taller than his camera suggests,…”
- Office holiday party · The boss · about 2 minutesHoliday Party Speech From a Small Business OwnerA second-generation owner thanking a staff of about a dozen at the holiday dinner, with families at the table, and wanting each of them to hear it.“Okay, everybody. Find a seat if you can, or lean on something. I'll keep this to a couple of minutes.”
- Office holiday party · The boss · about 2 minutesHoliday Party Speech After a Hard YearA longtime boss at the holiday party after a year when colleagues left and the people who stayed took on more, who wanted to be honest about it without turning the party into a meeting.“I've given this speech every December for nine years, and most years it's easy. This year I threw out two drafts, because they made it sound like everything was fine, and you would have known better.”
- Retirement · A coworker · about 2 minutesNurse Retirement Speech From a CoworkerA charge nurse speaking at a send-off on the hospital unit for a nurse retiring after decades on the floor; he wanted the newer staff to understand what the veterans already knew about her.“Good afternoon, everybody. I'm Ugo, the charge nurse on days, and for the last sixteen years I've had the luck of working this unit with Viola. They asked me to speak because I've been here the longest after her.”
- Retirement · Family member · about 2.5 minutesFunny Retirement Speech for Mom From a DaughterA daughter speaking at her mom's retirement party, with half the room made up of teachers from the school; she wanted the staff to laugh at how the job came home and then hear what it was really for.“Hi, everyone. I'm Rania, the daughter. For those of you who only know my mom from school, I want to start by confirming that yes, she is like that at home.”
- Retirement · A coworker · about 2.5 minutesFunny Retirement Speech for a CoworkerA service writer speaking at the dealership's send-off for the parts manager, wanting the room laughing most of the way and one honest minute at the end.“Hi, everybody. I'm Russ. I've worked the service desk about fifteen feet from Rudy's parts counter for twelve years, which is long enough to know that if you…”
- Retirement · A coworker · about 2.5 minutesWarm Retirement Speech for a BossAn assistant manager speaking at the hotel's retirement dinner for the front desk manager he reported to for fourteen years, wanting to praise her without sounding like he was angling for her job.“Hi, everyone. I'm Roy. Fourteen years ago Rita hired me to work the night audit at the front desk, and I want to start by apologizing to her for the first six months.”
- Retirement · The retiree · about 2.5 minutesRetirement Thank You Speech From the RetireeA crew supervisor giving his own thank-you speech at his retirement party in the union hall; he wanted to thank people with reasons, not a list, and get through the family part without falling apart.“Thank you. Thank you all for coming, and thank you to Wilma for putting this together, and for not listening when I said a sheet cake in the break room would do.”
- Retirement · A coworker · about 3 minutesHeartfelt Retirement Speech for a CoworkerA dispatcher speaking at the co-op's retirement dinner for a lineman she rarely saw in person but talked to through every storm for nineteen years.“Good evening. I'm Sally. I've been a dispatcher here for nineteen years, and for most of those years, I've known Sal mainly as a voice on the radio. I could pick it out of a hundred.”
- Retirement · Family member · about 3 minutesHeartfelt Retirement Speech for Dad From a SonAn oldest son speaking at his dad's retirement party in the back room of the grocery store where his father baked overnight for thirty years; he wanted to show what the night shift looked like from home.“Hi, everybody. I'm Sanjay, the oldest. Most of you work with my dad, which means most of you have seen him at three in the morning, which is more than I can say.”
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