Thanksgiving · The host · Funny · about a minute
Funny Thanksgiving Toast From a First-Time Host (1 Minute)
A first-time host toasting friends and family before dinner, wanting to own the improvised setup and thank the partner who put up with it.
Given by Cecil, hosting for the first time. 134 words. The names are made up.
The toast
Hi, everyone. Welcome. This is my first time hosting Thanksgiving, and I want to be honest about how it's going.
We don't own a table that seats ten. We own a table that seats four, and a desk. So what you're eating off right now is both of them, pushed together, under one very long tablecloth, and there's about a two-inch step down the middle. If you're on the left, you're eating at desk height. Cleo volunteered to sit on the seam, so if her plate tilts, that's why. She has not complained once. Out loud.
The gravy is on the high side, for safety. Please pass it downhill.
Thank you for trusting a first-timer with your Thursday. Raise your glass, everyone. To Cleo, and to the step in the middle of the table.
Why it works: The joke is entirely on the speaker, so nobody at the table has to wonder if they're next. Everyone can see the table, so the joke needs no setup, and the thank-you to the partner rides on the same picture all the way to the last line.
Make it yours
Borrow the shape, not the lines. Put your own people, your own year and your own detail in each spot, or answer a few questions and get a first draft built from them.