Officiating a wedding
They asked you to marry them. Here’s how.
Officiating is a speech with a job to do: tell their story, lead the vows, say the legal lines, and step out of the photo for the kiss. Here’s the order, what to say in each part, and a free script writer that starts from what you know about them.
- Blank pageWrite the ceremony scriptAnswer a few questions about the couple and get a full script in order, with cues and the legal lines.Start writing →
- See some first6 example scriptsStandard, short, funny, a brother officiating, a blended family, and one with a blessing.Read examples →
First, check you can
Who can legally marry a couple depends on where the wedding is. Many friends get ordained online, but the rules differ by state and country, and some places want you to register before the day. Before you write a word, ask the office that issues the couple’s marriage license what you need to do, what you have to say, and who signs what afterward.
Sit down with the couple
An hour with the two of them saves you a week of guessing. Ask:
- How they met, and two or three moments since that they’d be happy for everyone to hear.
- Whether they’re writing their own vows or want to repeat after you. Or both.
- Rings, readings, a unity ritual, kids taking part, anyone they want remembered.
- How much faith, if any, they want in it.
- How to say every name, and anything that’s off limits.
The order of a ceremony
- Processional. You’re already up front. Stand still and let everyone else move.
- Welcome. Ask the guests to sit, say who you are in one sentence, and say why everyone’s here.
- Their story. How they met and got here, with real details. This is the part guests remember.
- What you’ve seen. One thing you’ve noticed about them together, from up close.
- Readings or rituals, if they have any. Introduce each reader by name.
- Vows. Their own, or short repeat-after-me lines. Hold the cards for them if hands are shaking.
- Rings. A short line each, repeated after you.
- Declaration of intent. “Do you take...” and the “I do.”
- Pronouncement and kiss. Then step to the side so the photographer gets the two of them, not you.
- Introduction. Present them to the guests, and they walk out. The license gets signed after.
Writing your part
Talk to the guests at the start and to the couple from the vows on. Keep yourself to a sentence. Tell their story with things, not adjectives: the borrowed ladder, the wrong train, the diner booth. Skip anything only three people in the room would understand, and anything their grandparents would wince at. A laugh or two early is good; from the vows on, play it straight.
On the day
- Print the script in large type and put it in a plain binder. Not your phone.
- Run it once at the rehearsal, out loud, at full volume.
- Speak slower than feels right. Nerves make everyone fast.
- Have the couple’s vows printed too, in case theirs go missing.
- Know who’s holding the rings and who’s holding the license.
The practice timer and teleprompter helps you find the pace. If the couple are writing their own vows, send them the vows guide and writer.
Example scripts
- Short · officiant speaks about 3 minutesShort Wedding Ceremony Script
- With a blessing · officiant speaks about 6 minutesWedding Ceremony Script With a Reading and a Blessing
- Heartfelt · officiant speaks about 6 minutesOfficiant Script for a Brother Officiating His Sister's Wedding
- Funny · officiant speaks about 6 minutesFunny Wedding Officiant Script for Two Brides
Questions
Can a friend officiate a wedding?
In many places, yes. Plenty of couples ask a friend or relative, and many of those friends get ordained online. But the rules differ by state and country, and some places don't accept online ordination or ask you to register first. Ask the office that issues the couple's marriage license before you do anything else.
How long should a wedding ceremony be?
Without a religious service, most couples are happy with fifteen to twenty minutes from the processional to the kiss. Your own speaking is usually about half of that, the rest is vows, readings and music. A short ceremony can be five minutes and still feel complete.
What does the officiant say at the end?
Usually the declaration of intent ("Do you, Sam, take Alex..."), then the pronouncement ("By the power vested in me by the State of ___, I now pronounce you married"), then the kiss and the introduction. Some places expect particular words, so check with the license office.
Should the officiant talk about themselves?
One sentence, early on, so the guests know who you are. After that, every line should be about the couple. The best officiants are the ones nobody remembers as the main event.
Is it okay to use AI to write the ceremony?
Yes, as long as the story is real. The script writer here only works from your own answers and leaves a blank where it needs a detail you didn't give. Read it out loud and change anything that doesn't sound like you, then send it to the couple.
Do I give a toast at the reception too?
Only if the couple asks. If they do, keep it short and tell a different story from the one you told at the altar. There's an example of an officiant's reception toast in the speech library.
Giving a toast at the reception as well? Read the officiant’s reception toast example, then run your draft through the free speech check.