New Year's Eve · A guest · Funny · about a minute
Funny New Year's Toast Thanking the Hosts (About 1 Minute)
A guest who has come to the same couple's New Year's party for years wanted to thank them before midnight, keep it light, and not make them squirm.
Given by Fergal, a guest for seven years running. 130 words. The names are made up.
The toast
Hi, I'm Fergal. For anyone new, I've been coming to this party for seven years, and I have never once been asked to bring anything. I've decided to take that as a compliment.
I'd like to thank Kasia and Rafe. Every year, Kasia makes a cheese ball in the shape of the new year's last number. Last year's six was very good. The five before it looked like a duck. Tonight's is a seven, and from where I'm standing, it's a boot.
Nobody minds. People drive across town for the boot. They also drive across town for the two of you, who open your house every December and somehow act like we're the ones doing you a favor.
Raise your glasses, everybody. To Kasia and Rafe, and to the boot.
Why it works: The cheese ball is the hosts' own tradition, on the table in front of everyone, so the joke lands for first-timers too. The teasing is about a shape, not a person, and one plain sentence about the hosts opening their house turns it into a real thank-you before the last laugh.
Make it yours
Borrow the shape, not the lines. Put your own people, your own year and your own detail in each spot, or answer a few questions and get a first draft built from them.