Christmas · Family member · Funny · about a minute
Funny Christmas Eve Toast After the Kids Are Asleep
Late on Christmas Eve, with the kids in bed and the stockings filled, an uncle wanted to give the grown-ups a quiet toast and tell them how close the family came to losing Santa this year.
Given by Emrys, the kids' uncle. 135 words. The names are made up.
The toast
Okay, the kids are asleep, or at least their door is shut, which is all I ask.
For eleven years I've written the note Santa leaves next to the cookie plate. Block capitals, so nobody would ever know it was me.
This afternoon Clemency, who is nine, got last year's note out of her desk drawer, walked it over to the fridge, and held it up next to the grocery list. The grocery list I wrote this morning. In block capitals. Because apparently that's just how I write now.
She didn't say a word. She looked at the note, looked at me, folded it into her pocket, and said, "Santa needs more eggs."
So we may have one more year. Maybe.
Glasses up, quietly. To Santa's handwriting, and to whoever wants the job next year.
Why it works: The joke is entirely on the speaker and his giveaway handwriting, and the nine-year-old comes off as the smartest person in the house. Her line about eggs is the laugh, and the last line asks the room who takes over, which is the real question in any house with a nine-year-old.
Make it yours
Borrow the shape, not the lines. Put your own people, your own year and your own detail in each spot, or answer a few questions and get a first draft built from them.