Funny · about 2.5 minutes · 282 words
Wedding Vows for Marrying Your Best Friend (2 Minutes)
Winston and Basil were roommates and best friends for nine years before they dated, and Winston wanted vows that got laughs from their friends and admitted the friendship was the whole point
Said by Winston, to Basil. The names are made up.
The vows
Basil, freshman year you bet me a dollar I couldn't swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I could not. You wrote it on the inside of a pizza box lid, "W owes B $1," and that lid has been taped inside every closet door we've shared since. Eleven years of bets. Whether it would snow on Halloween. Whether I would ever learn to parallel park. Last time I checked, you owe me forty-one dollars.
The last line on the lid, two years ago, is in my handwriting. It says "Bet you he says yes." I didn't show you that one until after.
For nine years I was your best friend. I have watched you cry at a dog food commercial. Nobody here was surprised by how this turned out, except somehow the two of us.
So, the promises. I've had a long time to work on these.
I'll keep laughing at your impression of my dad, even though it's gotten too accurate. I will stop telling people I'm the funny one. Today, once, in public, I'm going to let you win the argument about whether a hot dog is a sandwich. And when you get that look before you call your sister, I'll sit next to you and keep my foot on yours, like always.
Here's the serious part. Bear with me, I've never been serious with you on purpose.
You were my favorite person long before you were my husband. I promise to stay your friend first. When we fight, I'll remember that I liked you for years before I loved you.
About the forty-one dollars. Consider it paid. One more bet, though. A dollar says we're still keeping score at ninety.
Why it works: The bet lid is a running joke their friends already know, so the laughs are easy and nobody needs the backstory. The last bet on the lid quietly tells the room how they got together, and the serious part is announced, which is funny in itself for someone who has never been serious on purpose, then kept very short. Forgiving the debt and placing one more bet turns the opening joke into the actual promise.
Make them yours
Borrow the shape, not the sentences. These open on one real moment, say one thing about the partner nobody else sees, make a handful of promises (mostly small ones), and come back to the opening detail at the end. Put your own moment, your own habit and your own promises in each slot. The guide to writing vows walks through each part.
Write yours, or check them
The vow writer starts from your own answers. The vows check times your draft and flags the lines every couple uses, without sending it anywhere.