Short · about a minute · 114 words
Short Funny Wedding Vows (Under a Minute)
A groom who knows his bride is the competitive one wants vows short enough to say without notes and funny enough to get a laugh in the first ten seconds
Said by Percy, to Zelda. The names are made up.
The vows
Zelda, on our second date you beat me at mini golf by eleven strokes, then paid the kid at the counter four dollars for the photo of me stuck at the windmill. It's still on our fridge.
So, my vows.
I promise to stop saying I was robbed at the windmill. I'll eat the cilantro you sneak into everything and only complain in my head. I will never again pretend to know where we parked.
When you get the hiccups, I'll scare you, badly, every single time.
And I'm going to keep showing up for rematches for the next sixty years, knowing exactly how they'll end.
You can put that on the fridge too.
Why it works: The whole thing hangs on one embarrassing photo, so the room gets the joke instantly and every promise can point back to it. He makes himself the punchline, which keeps it warm. The rematch line is the only sincere beat, and the fridge callback closes it before it gets heavy.
Make them yours
Borrow the shape, not the sentences. These open on one real moment, say one thing about the partner nobody else sees, make a handful of promises (mostly small ones), and come back to the opening detail at the end. Put your own moment, your own habit and your own promises in each slot. The guide to writing vows walks through each part.
Write yours, or check them
The vow writer starts from your own answers. The vows check times your draft and flags the lines every couple uses, without sending it anywhere.