Father of the Bride Speech From Her Brother (Heartfelt, 3.5 Minutes)

The speech

Good evening, everyone. I'm Tomasz, Ana's big brother. If you're looking at the program and wondering why the father of the bride is thirty-four, that's a fair question.

Our dad, Piotr, died four years ago this March. He should be standing here. He'd have been terrible at it, for the record. He once gave a toast at our cousin's christening that ran twenty-two minutes and included a section on the history of the Polish railway. Ana timed it. She was nine, she had a watch with a stopwatch on it, and she held it under the table so I could see.

When Ana asked me to do this, I said yes before I'd thought about it, and then I spent a month trying to work out what Dad would have said. I'm not going to do an impression of him. Mom asked me not to, and she's right, it isn't very good. But there's one thing he did that I think he'd want said tonight.

Every time Ana went somewhere new, Dad wrote her a list. First day of school. First sleepover. Her first flight on her own, at fifteen, to see our aunt in Gdańsk. The lists were always on the back of an envelope and they always had three things. The flight one said: "One. Eat the meal even if it is bad. Two. Talk to the person next to you. Three. Call when you land. I will not sleep." Ana kept every one. They're in a shoebox in her closet. Rhys, I assume you've been told not to open that box.

So I asked Mom if Dad ever wrote one about getting married. He didn't get the chance. So I'm borrowing his format, and his tie, which I'm wearing, and which is far too wide.

One. Eat the meal even if it's bad. Some years will be. Sit at the table anyway.

Two. Talk to the person next to you. Rhys, I've watched you do this for three years. At your first Christmas with us you sat next to our grandmother, who speaks about forty words of English, and you were still there at midnight going through photos of people neither of you could name. Dad would have liked you. He'd have told you about the railway.

Three. Call when you land. Wherever the two of you go, call Mom. She will not sleep either.

Ana, I'm not Dad, and I'm not trying to be. But I've been your brother your whole life, and I was standing next to you for every one of those lists, so I have a rough idea what he'd say. He'd say he was proud of you. He'd say it at length.

Please raise your glasses. To Ana and Rhys. And to Piotr, who is somewhere timing this.

Why it works: He says plainly why he's the one holding the microphone, gets a laugh at Dad's expense before the sad part, and borrows a real habit of their father's instead of guessing at what he'd have said. The groom gets one specific story, and Dad gets the last joke.