Pakistani and Bangladeshi Wedding Toasts: Cheers, Speeches, and Customs

Who speaks, and when

• Speeches are not traditional at the nikah, the religious ceremony, where the contract is read and witnessed.
• At the mehndi, friends and cousins perform dances and sing, and a sibling may say a few words. At the walima, the groom's family's reception, elders may offer a blessing.
• Western-style speeches by friends appear at some city and diaspora weddings, usually short.

How long

A blessing is a minute. The mehndi performances are rehearsed and long. The nikah is the quiet, serious center.

What you’ll see

• The mehndi: henna for the bride, yellow and green clothes, dholki drumming, songs, and dances by both sides.
• The baraat: the groom's procession arrives at the bride's side, and the bride's sisters may block the entrance for a toll.
• The nikah: the contract is read, the bride and groom consent separately, and the mahr, a gift to the bride, is set.
• The rukhsati: the bride leaves her family home, often in tears, with a Quran held over her head.
• The walima: the groom's family hosts a reception a day or more later, with the couple on a decorated stage.

If you’re the guest from somewhere else

• Ask which event you are invited to and dress accordingly; the mehndi is bright, the walima is formal.
• 'Shaadi mubarak' to the couple. 'Mubarak ho' to the families.
• Food is central and generous. Do not skip the biryani.

A toast you could give

Short, warm, specific to the couple, and ending on the phrase. Swap in your own names and your own detail; the shape is what matters.

Ayesha has been the glue of our friend group since university, and the only one of us who remembers everyone's parents' names. Hamza, you are marrying the family's memory. Shaadi mubarak to you both.