Mother of the Groom Speech for a Slow Start (Heartfelt, 3 Minutes)

The speech

Good evening. I'm Rosamund, Ingram's mother, and I'm going to tell you something Lavinia already knows, because she and I talked it through on a Tuesday in October two years ago, in my kitchen, and we agreed I could say it tonight.

I was not an easy person to win over. Lavinia came to her first Sunday dinner at our house, took one bite of my lasagna, and told me, very kindly, that it needed more salt. It was my mother Yolanda's recipe. I had been making it for thirty-four years. I said "thank you," and I did not say another word to her for the rest of the night, and I want to be honest that none of that was Lavinia's fault.

Here is what it actually was. Ingram is my youngest. When he was twelve he started grating the cheese for that lasagna every Sunday, badly and slowly, and he kept doing it through high school, through college summers, and through the year after his father died, when he would drive forty minutes each way just to stand at my counter and grate cheese and not say much. For a long time I was the person he called first. I was not ready to be second. I took that out on the first woman who told me the truth about my salt.

So that Tuesday in October, Lavinia came over alone. No Ingram. She had a notebook. She asked me to teach her the lasagna, and she took notes, and halfway through she asked why I put the nutmeg in. Nobody had ever asked. My mother put it in and I never knew why either. We stood in that kitchen for four hours, and somewhere around hour three I realized she wasn't learning the recipe to take him. She was learning it so there would be one more person who could feed him when I can't.

Lavinia, I'm sorry it took me a year. You were patient with a woman who did not deserve it yet, and you never once made Ingram choose. You still say it needs more salt. You're still right. I started adding it last Christmas, and I didn't tell anyone, and now I have.

Ingram, you picked someone who tells the truth and then shows up with a notebook. That is the best thing you have ever done, and I'm including the cheese.

Please stand and raise your glasses. To Ingram and Lavinia. More salt.

Why it works: The honesty is aimed at the speaker, never the bride, and the reason for the slow start is a real one. One kitchen afternoon carries the whole turn, and the toast is two words from that afternoon.