Maid of Honor Speech for a Work Friend (Funny, 3 Minutes)

The speech

Hi, everyone. I'm Isolde, the maid of honor. Sidonie and I met five years ago on the same first day at Hollis and Grant, in a new-hire orientation where she raised her hand to point out that the fire-exit map on the slide was upside down. I decided right then that I would be sitting next to her at lunch for the foreseeable future.

I want to tell you about the fire drill.

Three months in, Sidonie volunteered to be the floor warden for the fourth floor. Nobody else wanted it. It comes with an orange vest and a clipboard, and she wore the vest on a Tuesday in October like it was a uniform. The alarm went off at 10:15. She walked every row, checked the bathrooms, checked the supply closet, and then stood in the parking lot in front of forty people and did roll call. By name. From a printed list.

I was not there. I had gone across the street for coffee. So Sidonie, in the vest, in front of the entire fourth floor and two actual firefighters, announced that Isolde Marsh was unaccounted for, and then she went back in to look for me. They had to stop her at the door. I came back with my latte to find her arguing with a fireman about whether she was allowed to check the stairwell.

She was not mad at me. She sent me a text that said, "Found you. Next time tell me." Then she updated her list.

That is Sidonie. She takes the job nobody wants, she does it completely, and she will walk back into a building for you. Everyone on the fourth floor knows it. Half of them are here tonight, and I think they would all tell you the same thing: if something goes wrong, you want to be on her list.

So when she told me about Ulric, two years ago, the first thing she said was, "He reads the safety card on planes." And I thought, oh, this is serious. Then I met him, and it was worse than I thought. He had already checked where the exits were in the restaurant. The two of them sat there, facing the door, completely at peace.

Ulric, you are the first person I have ever seen her not need to go looking for. You are already on the list. Thank you for being the kind of man who reads the card.

Everybody, glasses up. To Sidonie and Ulric. Everyone accounted for.

Why it works: A friendship that started as adults still gets one specific story, the fire drill, and the speaker is the one who looks silly. The groom is introduced through a single line the bride actually said.