Wedding Speeches (UK): Order, Timing and What Each Says

The short version: at a British wedding the speeches run father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man, after the wedding breakfast and before the cake, with the whole block under 25 minutes. Each speech ends with a toast and the next speaker replies to it, which is the reason the order is what it is. Below is the chain in full, the clock times, who announces each speaker, the variations, the toast wording, and a running order for a 1pm ceremony.

What goes wrong at British weddings is rarely the order. Everyone knows the order. What goes wrong is the timing. Nobody tells the best man he has four minutes, so he takes eleven. The kitchen runs late, so the evening guests walk in on a room still listening. None of this is hard to prevent. It has to be someone's job, and this guide is for whoever that is.

The traditional order, and why it runs that way

The order is not a ranking. It is a chain of replies. The father speaks first because he is the host, or was, when fathers paid for weddings. He welcomes everyone and toasts the couple. The couple have been toasted, so somebody has to reply, and that is the groom, who thanks the father, both families and the guests, and ends by raising a glass to the bridesmaids, who have had a long day and no toast of their own. The bridesmaids have been toasted, so somebody replies for them, and that is the best man, who closes with the final toast to the couple. That is why the best man goes last and gets the warmest room.

The free Speech Order Planner has a British order option and builds this chain from the names you give it.

When the speeches happen

After the wedding breakfast. The convention is that the speeches follow the meal, before the cake is cut and before the evening guests arrive. For a 1pm ceremony that is about 5.30 or 6pm, once coffee is going round. The cake is cut straight after the final toast, while everyone is still seated, and the room is turned round for the evening.

The growing choice to do them before the meal. Plenty of couples now put the speeches between sitting down and the starter, because three people have spent the afternoon too nervous to eat. The cost is that the guests are hungry and have been standing for two hours, so the speeches need to be shorter. A common compromise is the father of the bride before the starter, since his is the welcome, and the groom and best man after dessert. Whichever you choose, tell the venue, the caterer and every speaker, in writing.

Who announces the speeches

A toastmaster, if there is one. A professional toastmaster in the red coat gathers the room, checks the glasses are charged, and announces each speaker with the traditional line: "Ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for the father of the bride, Mr David Okafor." He prompts each toast with "Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding." Give him the names and pronunciations and let him run it.

Otherwise, the best man or the venue's coordinator. Most weddings have no toastmaster, and the job falls to the best man, who is standing up anyway, or to the coordinator. Someone else announces the best man. A short script:

"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention. Please make sure your glasses are charged, because we are about to begin the speeches. It gives me great pleasure to introduce the father of the bride, David."

After each toast: "Thank you, David. Ladies and gentlemen, the groom, Tom."

How long each speech should be

The whole block, from first announcement to last toast, should come in under 25 minutes, including applause and laughs. Twenty is better.

The pace is 130 words a minute, not the 150 quoted for ordinary speaking, because a wedding speech has pauses and laughs. How long a wedding speech should be explains the number.

When a best man goes to ten minutes. Ten minutes is 1,300 words, two speeches back to back. The first five get laughs, the next five get polite laughs and the sound of chairs, and the cake, the first dance and the band all run late. The fix is that somebody tells him the number in advance and points him to how to write a best man speech, which says four minutes in the first line.

The modern variations

The bride's speech. Not traditional, now ordinary. If she speaks on her own, the slot is straight after the groom and before the best man, so the couple's speeches sit together. Share out the thanks in advance so the room does not hear both families thanked twice.

A joint couple's speech. It takes the groom's slot and does the groom's job: thanks in order, something about each other, a toast to the bridesmaids or the wedding party. The groom speech guide covers speaking as a couple.

The maid of honour, or chief bridesmaid. An American import. She goes after the groom (and the bride, if speaking) and before the best man, so the wedding-party speeches close the block together. She can also reply for the bridesmaids herself, which is neater, since she is one of them.

The mother of the bride, or the groom's parents. A mother of the bride speaks in the first slot, with the father, instead of him, or straight after him. The groom's parents, who have no slot in the British tradition, go after the father of the bride and before the groom.

Two grooms or two brides. Assign the slots by relationship and the chain still works. A parent of either partner opens and toasts the couple. The couple reply, together or one each, and toast the wedding party. Each partner's honour attendant replies, and the second closes with the toast to the couple. "Father of the bride" and "best man" are only names for the host and the last speaker, and every wedding has both.

Civil ceremony or registry office. Speeches belong to the reception, not the ceremony, so a civil wedding changes nothing. A registry office wedding followed by lunch at a pub has the same speeches, shorter, often two instead of three.

What each speech contains

The father of the bride. A welcome to everyone, with thanks to those who have travelled far and to the groom's parents. One memory that shows who his daughter is, not her whole life. A welcome to the groom, by name, said to him directly, as family. Then the toast.

The groom. He speaks for both of them, so "my wife and I" is traditionally the first line and gets the first cheer. The thanks run in a set order: the father of the bride for his words, both sets of parents, the guests, the wedding party. Then what he says about his wife, directly and without a joke in it. He closes by thanking the bridesmaids and raising a glass to them.

The best man. He opens by replying for the bridesmaids and thanking the groom for his words about them. Then the groom: one story that shows who he is, and a roast with a turn, where every dig lands somewhere kind. Then what changed when his partner came along, and a sentence to her directly. Two or three messages from absent guests, if any. Then the final toast.

The toasts, with the customary wording

A British toast has a fixed shape. The speaker asks the room to stand, raises the glass, gives the toast as a short line, and the room repeats it back.

• "To the bride and groom." The father's toast and the best man's. Sometimes "To Mr and Mrs Walker" if the bride is taking the name.
• "To the bridesmaids." The groom's toast, which the best man then replies to. "To the wedding party" where that is who was thanked.
• "To absent friends." For those who could not be there and those who have died, a separate one-sentence toast before the main one, usually from the father of the bride or the groom. The room says it back quietly.
• "To the happy couple." The inclusive version, and now the most common. It works for any couple.
• Both first names. "To Grace and Tom." Always correct, always warm, and the easiest for the room to repeat.

"Please be upstanding and raise your glasses" is the formal line before it. How to end a wedding speech has closing lines for each role.

The handover lines

The three joins in the chain. Names are placeholders, and these are the end of one speech and the start of the next, not full speeches.

The end of the father of the bride speech, into his toast (about 45 seconds)

Tom, you have been part of this family for a long time already. You proved that the Christmas you drove to Carlisle in the snow because Grace's grandmother had said, once, that she would like to see you. She talked about that until the day she died. We never had any doubt about you, and we are very glad you are here.

Grace, you have been the best thing in our lives for twenty-nine years. Your mum and I could not be prouder of the woman you are, or happier about the man you chose.

So, ladies and gentlemen, would you please be upstanding and raise your glasses. To the bride and groom.

Why it works: he welcomes the groom by name as family, then goes straight into a short toast the room can repeat. Nothing after the toast.

The start of the groom's speech, replying, and his bridesmaids toast at the end (about one minute)

Thank you, David. My wife and I would like to thank you for those words, and for the welcome you and Margaret have given me from the very first Sunday lunch, when I ate three helpings out of nerves and you quietly passed me a fourth.

On behalf of both of us, thank you all for being here. Some of you have come a long way, and one of you has come from Auckland, which is further than I have ever gone for anyone.

(Four minutes later.)

Finally, the bridesmaids. Amy and Priya have kept Grace calm, kept me organised, and kept the dress out of the mud in a car park this morning, which none of you will have noticed, which was the point. They have been wonderful. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses. To the bridesmaids.

Why it works: the first line answers the father's toast and 'my wife and I' gets its cheer. The thanks follow the set order without being a list. The bridesmaids toast hands the floor to the best man.

The opening of the best man's speech, replying for the bridesmaids (about 45 seconds)

Thank you, Tom. On behalf of Amy and Priya, thank you for those kind words. They have asked me to say that they look wonderful, and having seen the state of the car park this morning, I can confirm they have earned it.

I'm Josh, the best man, and I have been Tom's best friend since we were sat next to each other on the first day of secondary school because our surnames were close in the alphabet. He has not been on time for anything since. I would like to thank him for being early to the one thing that counted.

I have one story about Tom, and I think it explains the man Grace has just married.

Why it works: he answers the groom's toast in the first sentence, gets one gentle laugh from it, and is into his own speech within thirty seconds.

The British etiquette details a planner needs

• The top table. Traditionally a long table facing the room: chief bridesmaid, groom's father, bride's mother, groom, bride, bride's father, groom's mother, best man. Speakers stand at their place, so the microphone needs to reach both ends.
• Glasses charged before the first speaker stands. Staff top up every glass, including the top table, before the announcement, not during the second speech. Without a toastmaster, the coordinator gives the staff a ten-minute warning.
• Standing for toasts. Guests stand for every toast. The people being toasted stay seated.
• Microphones in marquees. A marquee eats sound. Hire a microphone and a small PA, test it that afternoon, and put it on a stand.
• A wedding with no best man. Someone still has to reply for the bridesmaids and close the block. The chief bridesmaid can reply herself and close with the toast to the couple, a sibling or friend can take the last slot, or the groom ends with a toast to the guests and the toastmaster announces the cake. Two best men share one speech and one slot.

The US order, for comparison

In the United States the order is father of the bride, best man, maid of honour, then the couple, and the speeches come after the main course rather than after the whole meal. The groom does not traditionally speak; his parents host and toast at the rehearsal dinner the night before. There is no chain of replies: the host opens, the wedding party carry the middle, the couple close. The full American version is in wedding speech order. For a transatlantic family, the simplest blend is the British chain with the maid of honour after the groom.

A sample running order for a 1pm ceremony

Times assume the reception is at the same venue.

If the speeches go before the meal, they slot in at 3.45pm with the starter at 4.05, and everything else stays put.

Then leave the speeches to the speakers. Point the father of the bride at the father of the bride guide, the groom at the groom speech guide, and the best man at how to write a best man speech, which share one structure so the three fit together without repeating. If any of them wants a second opinion, the free speech check will say whether it is the right length and where it drags.