Brother of the Groom Speech (Funny, About 3.5 Minutes)

The speech

Hi, everybody. I'm Kester, Josiah's younger brother. I am not the best man. That job went to his college roommate, which is fair, because I would have used the time to settle some things from 2011. Teagan asked me to say a few words anyway, and I want to thank her for that, and also point out that she has never heard me use a microphone, so this is on her.

I want to talk about the jacket.

In 2009, when Josiah was fourteen, he bought an orange windbreaker from the clearance bin at a sporting goods store off Highway 12. It cost eleven dollars. He has worn it ever since. If you have been to our parents' house, you have seen the hallway with the Christmas card photos, one per year, in matching frames. Walk down that hallway and you are watching a family grow up around one orange jacket. My braces come and go. Dad's hair comes and goes. The jacket stays.

In 2016 the zipper broke. A normal person buys a new jacket. Josiah decided zippers were optional. For nine years he wore it open, in rain, in snow, at my high school graduation, flapping behind him like he was always walking into a strong wind. Mom offered to buy him a new one every Thanksgiving. He would say, "This one works." She would say, "It does not close." He would say, "It works open."

Then Teagan came home with him. It was the second visit. I was there. She saw the jacket on the hook by the back door, and I thought, here it comes, she's going to be the one who finally gets him to throw it out. She looked at it for a while. Then she asked Mom where the sewing kit was.

She spent the second half of a football game at the kitchen table with a seam ripper and a new zipper she had brought from her apartment. She had planned it. She noticed the broken zipper on the first visit, went home, and bought the right length. Josiah put the jacket on, zipped it all the way to his chin, and stood in the kitchen for a minute without saying anything. Then he went outside, in November, just to stand in it.

Teagan, I've thought about that a lot. Everybody else in his life wanted to replace the jacket. You fixed it. You've been like that with him the whole time I've known you. He's calmer. He calls me back. He owns a coat that closes.

Josiah, it's in the car right now. I checked.

Everybody, glasses up. To Josiah and Teagan. Zipped all the way up.

Why it works: One ridiculous object carries every laugh, and the jokes land on the groom's stubbornness and the family, never the bride. The turn comes from something the brother watched her do in his parents' kitchen.