Wedding Officiant Script for a Friend (Non-Religious)

The music starts. Marcus and Theo walk in and wait at the front.

Hannah walks in with her mom. The music fades, and everyone stays standing.

Please have a seat.

Good evening, everybody. For those who don't know me, I'm Theo, and I've known Marcus since we sat next to each other in ninth grade biology.

Hannah and Marcus asked me to keep this personal, so that's what I'm going to do. They didn't want a lot of formal words they'd never say to each other in real life. They wanted the people who know them best, in one place, watching them make a promise. That's all of you. Some of you flew in, some of you drove six hours, and at least one of you came straight from a night shift. They noticed, and they're grateful.

Before we start, I'd like you to take a second and look at the two of them. This is the part people forget later, because it goes fast. Hannah, Marcus, you too. Take a breath. Everyone here is on your side.

Hannah and Marcus met five years ago, on a Saturday in April, when Hannah knocked on Marcus's door to ask if she could borrow a ladder.

She had just moved into the apartment across the hall. Her smoke detector was chirping, the way they do, every forty seconds, right when you're about to fall asleep. Marcus had a ladder. He did not, it turns out, have a working ladder. One of the feet was missing, and he'd been meaning to fix it for about two years.

So he held the ladder steady while she climbed it, and Hannah changed the battery. Then she asked him why he owned a broken ladder, and he said he was waiting for the right moment to fix it. She told him later that this was the first thing she ever loved about him, because it was so honest and so ridiculous at the same time.

He fixed the ladder the next week. He's still a little proud of that.

They started leaving notes on each other's doors. Then they started cooking together on Sundays, which mostly meant Hannah cooked and Marcus washed every pot she owned. A year later they moved in together, into a second floor walk-up with a buzzer that didn't work, so every delivery driver in the neighborhood learned to just call Hannah's phone. They lived there three years. They still say it was their favorite apartment.

They've done a lot of ordinary things together since then. They painted a bathroom the wrong shade of green and then painted it again. They took care of Marcus's dad after his knee surgery, which involved a lot of crossword puzzles and a lot of soup. They adopted a dog named Pickle, who I'm told is watching this on a video call with the neighbor right now.

Last fall, Marcus proposed in their kitchen. He was standing on that same ladder, the one with the fixed foot, pretending to change a light bulb that worked fine. Hannah says she knew something was up, because Marcus has never climbed a ladder on purpose in his life. He got about halfway through the speech he'd planned before she said yes.

None of it sounds like a movie, and that's sort of the point. These are two people who keep showing up for each other on regular days.

I've known Marcus for almost twenty years, and I can tell you what changed when Hannah came along. He started finishing things. Projects, sentences, the second half of a book. He started calling his mom on Sundays without anybody reminding him.

Hannah, I've only known you five years, but I've seen how you are with him. You let him be quiet when he needs to be quiet. You ask the follow-up question. When Marcus tells a story at a party and gets the ending wrong, you let him finish before you fix it.

What I've seen in the two of you, more than anything, is that you're kind to each other when nobody's watching. I was in your kitchen once while you argued about how to load a dishwasher, and it was the most polite argument I've ever heard. I think that's rarer than people admit, and I think it's going to carry you a long way.

Hannah and Marcus have written their own vows. Marcus, you're first.

Marcus reads his vows. Then Hannah reads hers.

Thank you, both of you.

May I have the rings, please.

The best man hands Theo the rings. Theo gives one ring to each of them.

These rings are a small thing you'll wear every day. Most days you won't think about them. Then once in a while you'll catch one in the light, or turn it around your finger during a long phone call, and you'll remember standing here.

Marcus, place the ring on Hannah's finger and repeat after me.

Marcus: Hannah, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. I choose you, today and every day after. I'll keep showing up for you, on the good days and the hard ones.

Hannah, place the ring on Marcus's finger and repeat after me.

Hannah: Marcus, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. I choose you, today and every day after. I'll keep showing up for you, on the good days and the hard ones.

Now I'm going to ask each of you one question, and I need you to answer loud enough for the back row.

Marcus, do you take Hannah to be your wife, to love her and be honest with her, to support her when things are easy and when they aren't, and to keep choosing her for the rest of your life?

Marcus: I do.

Hannah, do you take Marcus to be your husband, to love him and be honest with him, to support him when things are easy and when they aren't, and to keep choosing him for the rest of your life?

Hannah: I do.

Hannah and Marcus, you've made your promises in front of the people who love you most. By the power vested in me by [the State of ___], it is my absolute pleasure to pronounce you married.

You may kiss.

They kiss. Theo steps to the side so the photographer has a clear shot.

Everyone, please stand. For the first time as a married couple, Hannah and Marcus.

The recessional music starts, and Hannah and Marcus walk back down the aisle together.

Right after the recessional, Theo, Hannah, Marcus, and two witnesses sign the license at a small table off to the side, before the couple heads to photos.