Rehearsal Dinner Toast: What to Say (With Examples)

The short version: a rehearsal dinner toast is one to two minutes if you are hosting and under a minute if you are not. Welcome people, say one true thing about the couple, speak to the one you are gaining as family, and raise a glass. No story is required, no structure beyond that, and no notes beyond a card. Full examples are below. The rehearsal dinner is the relaxed night. The toasts should be too.

Most of the advice on this site is about the wedding speech: four minutes, one story, a turn, a toast. The rehearsal dinner is a different room. It is smaller, people are sitting at tables with wine, the couple is less nervous, and there are usually several toasts in a row. The job is not to carry the room for four minutes. It is to say something true and warm, briefly, and sit down so the next person can.

Who speaks, and in what order

The rehearsal dinner is traditionally hosted by the groom's parents, which is why they are not in the usual lineup of wedding reception speakers. Their main toast lives here. A typical order:

1. The hosts, usually the groom's parents, open the toasts: a welcome, thanks, a word about the couple, a glass raised. Two minutes.
2. The bride's parents, if they want to say a few words, go next. One minute. Their fuller speech is at the wedding.
3. Anyone else close to the couple who is not speaking at the wedding: siblings, grandparents, godparents, the friends who were not in the wedding party, the officiant. Under a minute each.
4. The couple can close with a short thank-you to everyone for coming and to the hosts. One minute.

The best man and maid of honor traditionally hold their speeches for the reception. If they want to say something here, it should be a sentence or two of welcome, not the speech. Giving the full speech at the rehearsal dinner and then repeating it, or having nothing left, is a real and common mistake.

Many couples open the floor after the planned toasts. That works at a rehearsal dinner in a way it never does at a reception, because the group is smaller and the toasts are short. If you open it, have the emcee or a parent manage it, and set the expectation that each one is a minute.

Not every family follows this. Couples who are hosting the rehearsal dinner themselves, or whose families are splitting everything, simply decide who opens. The structure below works for whoever that is.

What the hosts' toast has to do

1. Welcome everyone and thank them for coming, especially the ones who traveled.
2. Thank the other family, by name, warmly.
3. One true thing about your child, in a sentence or two. Not a story. A line.
4. One true thing about the person they are marrying, spoken to them directly.
5. Raise a glass to the couple.

Two minutes. If you find yourself writing a story with a beginning, middle, and end, you are writing the wedding speech. Save it, or hand it to whoever is giving that one.

What everyone else's toast has to do

Even simpler. Say who you are. Say one true thing about the couple, or one thing you have seen. Raise a glass. Under a minute. How to end a wedding speech has toast lines if you want one ready-made. The two most useful shapes:

• The thing I noticed. "I've known Sam since we were nine, and I've never seen him as calm as he is around Priya. That's all I've got, and it's enough. To Sam and Priya."
• The welcome. "Priya, we've been waiting for someone exactly like you. Welcome to a very loud family. To the two of you."

Full examples

Example 1: The groom's parents, hosting (about two minutes)

Good evening, everyone, and welcome. I'm Rob, Sam's dad, and this is Diane, and we are so glad you're all here. Some of you flew in this afternoon and came straight from the airport, and we can tell, and we love you for it.

To Anjali and Vikram, thank you. For Priya, first of all. And for the way you've welcomed Sam into your family from the very first dinner, when he got the spice level badly wrong and you were kind enough to pretend not to notice.

Sam, you've been easy to be proud of. You've also been impossible to get off the couch, and the fact that you are standing here, in a jacket, on time, tells us everything we need to know about the woman next to you.

Priya, we noticed something about a year ago. Sam started calling on Sundays. He had not called on Sundays, or most other days, for about a decade. He was calling because you'd suggested it. Thank you for that, and for all the things like it we probably don't know about. You've made our son more himself. You're family now, and you have been for a while.

Tomorrow is the big one. Tonight, please raise your glasses with us. To Sam and Priya. Get some sleep.

Why it works: it does the host's jobs in order and briefly. One line about the son, not a story. The bride gets spoken to directly with something specific. The other family is thanked by name. The toast is one sentence.

Example 2: A sibling, not speaking at the wedding (about forty seconds)

Hi, I'm Lena, Priya's younger sister. I'm not giving a speech tomorrow, so I get forty seconds tonight, and I'm going to use them on one thing.

Sam, the first time you came to our house, Priya was late, as she is to everything, and you spent the twenty minutes talking to our grandmother in the kitchen. She does not like anyone. She likes you. That's the whole review.

To Sam and Priya. Welcome to the family, Sam. Grandma says you can stay.

Why it works: one observation, specific and true, and a toast. No story, no structure, no attempt to compete with tomorrow's speeches. This is the right size for everyone who is not hosting.

Example 3: The couple, closing the toasts (about a minute)

We'll keep this short, because everyone before us was kind enough to.

Mom, Dad, thank you for tonight. For the room, for the food, and for not telling the story about the couch, which we both know you considered.

To everyone here: you are the people we'd call at two in the morning, and tomorrow you'll see why we wanted you in the room. Thank you for coming, for traveling, and for putting up with a year of us talking about nothing else.

Tomorrow is for us. Tonight, please raise a glass to all of you. We're so glad you're here.

Why it works: a thank-you to the hosts and the room, one line each, and a glass raised to everyone else for a change. It ends the toasts cleanly and hands the night back to dinner.

What to skip

• The full wedding speech. If you are speaking tomorrow, hold it.
• Stories longer than a sentence. The rehearsal dinner has a dozen toasts in it. One story each turns dinner into a show.
• Anything you would not say at the wedding. The smaller room is not a license. Exes, drinking, the bachelor party, and anything the other family would wince at are out here too.
• A thank-you list. Hosts thank the other family and the travelers. That is the list.
• Reading from your phone. A card, or nothing.
• Going past two minutes. Even as the host. The room is eating.

A note on nerves

The rehearsal dinner is the easier night, and it is also a good rehearsal for the speakers who are nervous about tomorrow. If you are the best man or the maid of honor and the microphone scares you, stand up here and say thirty seconds of welcome. You will find out that the room is on your side, and tomorrow's four minutes will be less frightening for it. A last run through Rehearsal Mode tonight does the rest.

For tomorrow's speeches, the guides for the best man, the maid of honor, the father of the bride, the mother of the bride, and the groom or couple each have the full structure and complete examples. Wedding speech order covers who speaks when at the reception.