Turkish Wedding Toasts: Cheers, Speeches, and Customs

Who speaks, and when

• Formal speeches are rare. The elders bless the couple, and 'bir yastıkta kocayın' is said by nearly everyone in the receiving line.
• The couple may thank the guests. A master of ceremonies or the DJ keeps the evening moving.
• The real spoken moment is often the henna night, the kına gecesi, the evening before, when the bride's family sings and the bride's hands are dyed.

How long

A sentence per guest. The toast is a wish, not a speech. Weddings can be very large, and the evening is for dancing.

What you’ll see

• Guests pin gold coins or money to a red ribbon worn by the bride or to the couple's clothes, in a long line, one by one.
• The kına gecesi: the night before, the bride's hands are decorated with henna, a sad song is sung, and the bride is meant to cry.
• A red ribbon or sash tied around the bride's waist by her brother or father, the kuşak, is a mark of leaving home.
• The halay, a line dance with handkerchiefs, pulls in every guest, and the davul and zurna, drum and pipe, play outside.
• Sweets and a small gift box for every guest, often sugared almonds or Turkish delight.

If you’re the guest from somewhere else

• 'Bir yastıkta kocayın' is the phrase. Say it to the couple; it will delight them.
• Bring a gold coin or cash to pin. It is the gift.
• Join the halay. The line is for everyone.

A toast you could give

Short, warm, specific to the couple, and ending on the phrase. Swap in your own names and your own detail; the shape is what matters.

Elif is the friend who shows up before you have finished asking. Emre, you will never ask twice. May you grow old on one pillow. Bir yastıkta kocayın. Şerefe!